The Teacher Diaries

It was about three years ago when I realized that the difficulty that I experienced as a teacher was much more than teacher burn-out. There were mornings when I would shower, get dressed, get in the car and then just sit there unable to move. On other days I would have dizzy spells in the middle of a lesson or while working during my preparation periods. There were days when I would be so overwhelmed that I would cry myself to the point of having a stress headache. On more extreme occasions, I would feel like I was paralyzed by stress and unable to even get out of bed. A later symptom was nausea and vomiting. After speaking to a psychiatrist and therapist, I learned that it wasn’t laziness or irresponsibility. I was experiencing G.A.D. (generalized anxiety disorder). And you know what? I was told that many teachers suffer from this as well. Our job isn’t easy. There are many demands placed on us and we are responsible for educating children who, many times, have the weight of the w

I’m suffocating. I can’t breathe. Miss! Miss? Miss . . . Miss to my left on my side behind me I can’t. I’m only one person. Ding! Urgent! I need this by the end of the day. Miss? Miss! Miss!?! Hey! How are you? I wanted to ask you . . . I’m short of breath. block 1, block 2, block 3, block 4 Oh yeah, block 3 is free. But not really Prep . . . teach . . . grade . . . repeat But did you breathe? Tests, diagnostics, interims, quarterlies grade them and your own and plan and grade that too But, did you breathe? And at home, I shut down Can’t work, but think. Always thinking But, did you breathe? But, I’m home. Breathing? Thinking, sleeping But not breathing? I think But not. How? Just breathe. Inhale . . . lesson plans Hold it . . . Prepping specific lessons Exhale . . . Grading papers Slowly . . . Disciplinary issues: fights, cursing, sleeping, Throwing, walking out I can’t, I can’t breathe! Why can’t I breathe? Stop and just breathe.

I feel sorry for my students. They have been tested so much already and it’s only October. The students have taken the school diagnostic for each course, the A.C.T., a diagnostic for the district, the PSAT, and quarterly exams in about another three weeks. All of this is being done within the first ten weeks of school. When do they get a break? With so many tests, they become frustrated and do not perform their best due to fatigue and the inability and unwillingness to discern which tests are more important than others, while we, as the educators, need to emphasize the importance of them all due their impact on our evaluations.   It’s additionally tough for the teachers because our instruction is disrupted as a result of the constant testing and we have to be sensitive of the fact that our students won’t be very willing to complete normal school work after having tested for hours at a time. It’s tough on everyone and is quite pointless to me. A test in the beginning of the ye

I am embarrassed by my students. And not just my students, but the entire student body. Today, I took three of my classes to the library to take a test on the computers. The good thing about that was that all of the computers worked. The bad thing was that there were other teachers there to observe my students when they misbehaved. They weren’t terrible, but they weren’t working as if they were taking a test. Last week there was an afternoon assembly. There were guest speakers presenting to encourage the students to perfect their musical and poetic talents. It was organized to engage the students, but they would not stop yelling and arguing in the audience long enough to allow the guests to speak. Even with the teachers, including myself, working tirelessly to calm them down. Side note: only six teachers showed up to the assembly, while the others were no-shows, so we were clearly outnumbered. I was so embarrassed. These people did not expect to speak to an auditorium full o