I TOOK A DAY



I couldn’t. I mean, I can’t. I am writing in real time just after I’ve completed the process of requesting a sick day from work on the eight day of school. I do feel a little bad, but I am experiencing anxiety and it’s as if I physically can’t go to work.

I know. I know. I was all excited to begin the school year, but something happened between “Welcome students!” and “I didn’t sign up for this.” I am teaching seniors, which in the past I’ve always preferred because of their analytical thinking skills, ability to have discourse, and their self-control. Well that was not what greeted me on the very first day. I was still optimistic. I considered that the students may have been overwhelmed because all of their classes are 80 minutes, but I accounted for that and broke up the lesson into mini activities. I even made exceptions about the room being so hot due to the end of summer heat wave that sent temperatures soaring past 90 degrees. I even understood that seniors are excited to be seniors, but that didn’t ease the anxiety that I’m experiencing right now.

The students are vulgar and disrespectful to each other. Therefore, I am disrespected because I am hit with ricochets from what they say to their peers. They take a long time to settle down even with an activity ready for them to complete and be graded immediately. They play too much and are the most immature group of seniors I’ve ever taught. They complain about people looking at them. Seriously!?

I showered this morning while trying to think of an exit plan. Although my superiors really like me, I have to take care of myself. I know that it would disappoint them, but I am the only one who can live my life. So I took a day.

Is it me? I’m beginning to ask myself this. Why have I struggled with student behavior for the last five years of my career? I am the same person. I teach with the same passion. I create engaging lessons that appeal to various learning styles. I can teach. I could point fingers and say that the students are the problem, due to bad parenting, but I can observe these same students in a different class and they are behaving. I don’t get it. The only thing that I am sure of is that many teachers feed the students. Seriously! I have to feed you to motivate you to learn? I have to feed you to sit quietly so that you can hear the directions? I’m trying to feed your mind the food will last for a lifetime.

 I haven’t given up completely, but today I need a break. It says a lot that we haven’t even been in school for two whole weeks and I am certain that it makes me appear extremely unprofessional and irresponsible, but I needed to recharge and there’s something about a weekday that makes it more effective than the weekend. It feels better. I want to be the best me I can be. So I took a day.

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